Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Drunk walkin through police station. America
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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