M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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