Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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