I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
