I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
