I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
