we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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