just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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