I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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