I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
