i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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