haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
