Already got asked if we're dating
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
