y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Non-Jews are for practice
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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