I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
