How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
