i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
