idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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