So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
