here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
