Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
