hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
