Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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