I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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