mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
