Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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