Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
