Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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