please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize