well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
