why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just cropdusted the office
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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