He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
