Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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