I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
