i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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