we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've blown a few things in my day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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