I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
