I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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