I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
