I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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