Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize