i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize