I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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