I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize