My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
