Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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