So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
