Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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