i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
