Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize