I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
