Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize