He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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