So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
