OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
