he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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