I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
