The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
