it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
