Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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