Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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