The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
