you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
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