life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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