your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
