i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
