Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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