sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
