Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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