Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
