why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Randomize
