My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
