based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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