this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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