its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
