fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's great music for shaving your balls
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
