Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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