Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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