Got a toothbrush?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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