i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Pooping to opera.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
