I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
