You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
