Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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