Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize