ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
