mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
