wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is my gift to your gina
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
