too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
