Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is Oprah even human
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
