Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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