You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
