Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
