I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
