Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
