dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
