Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize