I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
