Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
how drunk are you?
Several
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
