Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Rumble strips road head = magical
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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