I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
