I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
