Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
