I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
