that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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