he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
