I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
