Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize