so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
