She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
